An Introduction

Hello. Just more than a month ago, I decided to quit my full time work so I can have more time with my two boys - one is 3 years old (going on 4 this july 31st) and the other boy just turned one this june 23rd. However, since I am married to an ill-compensated military officer, I can't quit work completely and so I do consultancy/part time work. Much as I would love to be with the kids more, we all still have to eat and pay the bills.

And then, we found out that our eldest son is at risk of having ADHD. SOme call it borderline ADHD, others say it's preschool ADHD. Here starts the dilemma. My son needs more time with me now. And yet his special condition also require more funds. How do I work more but at the same time be with him more?

We are thankful to families and friends who have expressed support and are offering help. Through this blog, i hope to chronicle our collective efforts on trying to give my son, Gael, a chance to cope and succeed, not just in school, but, more importantly in life.

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(The following was a restricted blog post in multiply written days after we found out about Gael's condition.)

As parents, we have the highest hopes for our children. We also have the worst fears.

I have always feared deep inside - but have also been afraid to blurt it out, as if saying the fear out loud would validate it and make it true - that Kuya is different. How active he is. How he would jump from one activity to another. How hard it is for him to focus. How he can't still exchange simple conversations with us. How he still echoes and repeats our sentences or speak in phrases. How he is, most of the times, bulol. How I am the only one who understands most of the words he says.

At school, I watched, from outside, on the first day, with horror and embarrassment, how Gael refused to sit down and sit still. How he never listened to the teacher. How he kept on playing with the toys, ate his baon ahead of everybody else and insisted to do his own thing, never paying attention to what the others have been doing. Until now, the teacher always, always, tell me everytime I would pick up Gael from school, that he hasn't improved. He still keeps on disrupting the lessons by singing nursery rhymes he learned at home, or by insisting he answers all of the teacher's questions even when it's no longer his turn. The teacher says that Gael only participates during the group singing time, the storytelling session, recess, and group play.

Last Wednesday,we finally met with a developmental pediatrician, a child psychologist. We set the appointment last March and it was only last Wednesday that we were given a schedule. Inside the doctor's clinic, Gael was fidgety. He was running around the room, disarranging the furniture, playing with the toys, playing with the figurines. He answered all questions correctly, and the doctor concluded that he is not delayed for his age, that he has the right IQ for his age. However, the doctor also observed that Gael is positive for all signs of hyperactivity and some signs of inattention. She diagnosed Gael with being at risk for Attention Deficit, Hyper-Activity Disorder or ADHD. She said, a complete diagnosis is made by the time a child is 6 yo as 6yo are expected to be able to focus more and have more attention. Right now, she said, that what we can do is practice behavior modification at home and have Gael undergo twice a week OT sessions to help Gael learn how to focus.

Therapy costs at least P450 per session, that's 900 per week, an additional P3,600 per month on our budget. The sessions with the doctor costs P2000 per hour. And next year, I would have to enrol Gael in a school better equipped to handle his needs (I just paid P15K all in for Gael's school needs now, how much would I have to pay for him to go to a special school) Which means I would have to do more "rackets" to be able to support Kuya's therapy. But Gael also needs my attention more now. I still don't know how I can do that and do more work at the same time. Right now, Arn and I agreed, also because of financial considerations (our savings at AFPSLAI is getting depleted fast), that we will first try to do behavior modification at home. The doctor did say, that, at this age, there's still a chance that Gael is not really ADHD but just spoiled (because of parents who tend to give in to him from guilt of being away and busy all the time.) Arn and I agreed, that after a month and Kuya doesn't improve, we send him to therapy.

I have spent most of Wednesday night researching on ADHD and imagining the worst scenarios and crying for our baby. No parent ever wished for the stigma, the ridicule, the isolation that this "special" condition would bring to our child. I even joked to Arnie, on Gael's first day of school, "panu ba yan, natunaw na lahat ng pangarap ko umakyat ng stage." I always dreamed to be a suki on stage for my sons just as I always made my parents go up on stage to pin awards on me or don me medals from Kinder to College graduation.

Ngayon, it really doesn't matter to me if he gets to get an award on stage or what. all that matters to me now is to let him understand his homework every night. To make him sit still and pay attention to at least an hour every night while we study. To make him behave and pay attention to the teacher for two hours every day at school. What matters to me is that his classmates befriend him and not ostracize Gael for being the noisy and naughty one in class. What matters to me is not to receive the judging looks from the other parents every time I'd pick up Gael from school and hear the same, 'Ang kulit-kulit po ni Gael. Di na naman nakinig sa lesson," from his teacher. What matters to me is to figure out my schedule, if I need to work more to have extra budget for Gael's therapy, and yet need to spend more time with Gael, how do I give also equal quality time to my other young boy when I'm the only parent around most of the time?

Frankly, this is the first time in my life that I am completely clueless on what to do. And I am praying so hard that the good Lord help us get past through this newest, most difficult challenge, in our life as a family, so far.