Bored with school

Now that Gael has been in school for almost two months, he has seemed to adjust and learn the rules of sitting still and listening to the teacher.

However, he seems to be bored already with school. At a recent PTA meeting (that we weren't able to attend because I was sick and daddy had to go do some important errands), we learned that they'd be doing still shapes and colors until the end of the second quarter!

Ha? e sobrang memorized na ni gael yun. In fact, at home, he insists that we already skip several pages of his books kasi paulit ulit daw na shapes and colors lang naman. E naituro ko na nga ang pentagon at hexagon, kasi bored na siya sa usual shapes. Sa colors, baka ituro ko na rin ang mga aquamarine, silver, gold, para madagdagan kasi bored na talaga siya.

Teacher also says they'd start reading third quarter pa. And not reading pa talaga kasi identification pa lang ng letters of the alphabet. E kagabi, before going to sleep, tinatanong ko lang si Gael ng beginning letters ng every word at kahit unfamiliar words (at hindi lang yung mga usually nakasulat sa flashcards gaya ng A is for apple, B is for butterfly) kaya na niya i-identify ang beginning letters kasi he knows the sounds of each one na (dahil nga marunong na rin siya magbasa ng three letter words matagal na).

My dilemma is, should I continue to teach according to gael's pace and interest even if it means skipping well ahead of class? Malaki kasi suspetsa namin that the reason Gael doesn't behave as much as he should inside the classroom is because he knows na yung mga tinuturo ni teacher. Pero pag di ko naman siya tinuruan, sayang yung opportunity na magcapitalize sa kanyang curiosity and interest.

By the way, we also learned from the last meeting that the teachers in Gael's school now has the habit of shouting at and pulling kids by the hand, much to the anger of the parents present.

So bukod pa sa reasons na mabagal sila magturo, at nilalabel nila agad si Gael, at dahil ayaw na rin ni Gael pumasok sa kanila last week dahil daw tinatakot siya palagi ni Master at ni Teacher, next year we are definitely changing schools, or homeschooling. Sabi naman ni gael he prefers "teacher-mommy" than his teacher now.

Random stuff

We took Gael to Child Find last week to have him reassessed. The reassessment took four hours and we weren't allowed inside the room while the tests were ongoing. We are praying for good results. We will know in a month's time in a conference where we should both be there, invite Gael's teacher and Gael's yaya too. Thank you to teacher Candice and her sister, Ate Mai, for being so generously kind. We hope to see you soon.

A colleague from Virlanie Foundation just gave me a treatment plan she designed herself for ADHD. Thank you, thank you.

There are days when Gael seems to be behaving quite well. He pays attention in school. He's nice to his brother. He listens to instructions. He eats on his own. He packs away his toys. But there are days that it seems like we're taking several steps backward - is this to be expected?

We use a behavior chart at home to reward him for good behavior and penalize him when he acts up. It used to work before. But since we tend to treat him out every time his daddy is here (we went out to watch transformers, gone out to eat in Jollibee one day when I was craving for sundae, watched ice age 3) even though he has not reached the pre-agreed number of stars yet, the behavior chart doesn't seem to be working anymore. we have to be more consistent with this.

We are seriously thinking of homeschooling Gael next year. All he likes in his present school is the company of kids his age but he isn't learning anything new. And I guess that's part of the reason he is so makulit in school - he already knows the things the teachers are teaching. He pays attention to me when I teach him at night, and our study hours are not limited to looking over his school books anymore, because he really is bored with their current lessons. I am stuck in a dilemma as to whether we should skip a few chapters and go to the next lessons, but that would also mean that when the teachers get to teach those lessons, mabobore na naman si Gael. So next year, I am homeschooling him. And maybe Araw will be homeschooled too. I have just learned that homeschool providers have clubs and a wealth of extra curricular activities - these serve the socialization needs of the kids. I just hope that I'd have enough time to do homeschooling well.

Arn has recently agreed to make the village work for him too. We hope we get nice results.

The Week Ahead

Next week, we hope to learn more about Gael and know how best to help him.

Since learning about Gael's condition, we have tried to maintain status quo. Meaning, he still goes to the same school he goes to, even if it's a traditional school. Meaning, we don't send him yet to therapy like the doctor prescribed but do whatever "behavior modification" we can at home. We just researched, copied and pasted everything we can get from the net, and applied whatever we have learned from these readings to handling Gael at home.

But then yesterday, the teacher of the school called me in the office to tell me that Gael has just broken down the glass in the school's sliding door. The teacher even went as far as to suggest the idea of us pulling out Gael from school.

Today, I did not let Gael go to school. He was sad because he looks forward to going to school everyday. Although he can't sit still to listen to the full lesson, and although he can't be expected to finish any seatwork, because he would rise up and run around the room every now and then, Gael looks forward to learning new songs and hearing new stories and playing with other kids his age.

Today, he only had Teacher Mommy to teach him. And I believe he learns more from me than from a classroom where a teacher's attention is divided to ten kids. Also because, since he is my only student, I customize every lesson to suit his mood and his interests. Since I know he learns best through song, I make music a part of our lessons. I invent songs for him. Since I know he learns best with the aid of a computer, some lessons we do while playing various free online educational games. Since I know he thinks best when he is active and having fun, sometimes we discuss our lessons outside, while he plays. Gael already knew his numbers, alphabets, shapes by heart even before he set foot in school. Gael even knows how to read three letter words. That's why, one option we are seriously considering is homeschooling. But then, I really don't have the luxury of time to do this - a tired and pressured mommy is an impatient mommy. And though what I've written above would probably make it appear that homeschooling Gael is easy, believe me, we've had temper outbursts, shouting matches, sometimes, I even cry because I can't make him focus. And if we homeschool him, Gael would be so sad to not be able to see his friends again.

Today also, we went to another school in a nearby village. This school uses the multiple intelligences approach to learning and maybe Gael would thrive better in this school. I have talked to the principal, also a military wife, and they agreed to let Gael sit in for one week just so we both can gauge if Gael would like it there and if the school is capable of nurturing him.

Today, I also met with the principal of Gael's school and talked about the possibility of pulling him out. I learned that I could no longer get any percentage refund if we do decide to take Gael out of that school. In the end, the principal and I agreed to test the waters again next week, this time, Gael's yaya would be sitting in with him in class to help rein in his "bursts of energy."

And then today, I got a call from a sister of a friend who specializes in diagnosing and assessing children with ADHD. We just got an appointment for a reassessment next week and I guess any plans of Gael transferring school or being homeschooled or going to an OT would have to wait till then.

I had a very hectic day today. I still had to go to work after doing all these. And I had to take Gael with me because his yaya is on vacation again. This is one of the days I wish the husband was here to at least give me support or drive me around. And I am praying that should the reassessment confirms gael's dev pedia's initial diagnosis, the Lord would soon hear my prayer of letting Arn be assigned to a place nearer home so that he would be with Gael more often. Suntok sa buwan, pero hindi naman kami tumitigil magdasal.

An Introduction

Hello. Just more than a month ago, I decided to quit my full time work so I can have more time with my two boys - one is 3 years old (going on 4 this july 31st) and the other boy just turned one this june 23rd. However, since I am married to an ill-compensated military officer, I can't quit work completely and so I do consultancy/part time work. Much as I would love to be with the kids more, we all still have to eat and pay the bills.

And then, we found out that our eldest son is at risk of having ADHD. SOme call it borderline ADHD, others say it's preschool ADHD. Here starts the dilemma. My son needs more time with me now. And yet his special condition also require more funds. How do I work more but at the same time be with him more?

We are thankful to families and friends who have expressed support and are offering help. Through this blog, i hope to chronicle our collective efforts on trying to give my son, Gael, a chance to cope and succeed, not just in school, but, more importantly in life.

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(The following was a restricted blog post in multiply written days after we found out about Gael's condition.)

As parents, we have the highest hopes for our children. We also have the worst fears.

I have always feared deep inside - but have also been afraid to blurt it out, as if saying the fear out loud would validate it and make it true - that Kuya is different. How active he is. How he would jump from one activity to another. How hard it is for him to focus. How he can't still exchange simple conversations with us. How he still echoes and repeats our sentences or speak in phrases. How he is, most of the times, bulol. How I am the only one who understands most of the words he says.

At school, I watched, from outside, on the first day, with horror and embarrassment, how Gael refused to sit down and sit still. How he never listened to the teacher. How he kept on playing with the toys, ate his baon ahead of everybody else and insisted to do his own thing, never paying attention to what the others have been doing. Until now, the teacher always, always, tell me everytime I would pick up Gael from school, that he hasn't improved. He still keeps on disrupting the lessons by singing nursery rhymes he learned at home, or by insisting he answers all of the teacher's questions even when it's no longer his turn. The teacher says that Gael only participates during the group singing time, the storytelling session, recess, and group play.

Last Wednesday,we finally met with a developmental pediatrician, a child psychologist. We set the appointment last March and it was only last Wednesday that we were given a schedule. Inside the doctor's clinic, Gael was fidgety. He was running around the room, disarranging the furniture, playing with the toys, playing with the figurines. He answered all questions correctly, and the doctor concluded that he is not delayed for his age, that he has the right IQ for his age. However, the doctor also observed that Gael is positive for all signs of hyperactivity and some signs of inattention. She diagnosed Gael with being at risk for Attention Deficit, Hyper-Activity Disorder or ADHD. She said, a complete diagnosis is made by the time a child is 6 yo as 6yo are expected to be able to focus more and have more attention. Right now, she said, that what we can do is practice behavior modification at home and have Gael undergo twice a week OT sessions to help Gael learn how to focus.

Therapy costs at least P450 per session, that's 900 per week, an additional P3,600 per month on our budget. The sessions with the doctor costs P2000 per hour. And next year, I would have to enrol Gael in a school better equipped to handle his needs (I just paid P15K all in for Gael's school needs now, how much would I have to pay for him to go to a special school) Which means I would have to do more "rackets" to be able to support Kuya's therapy. But Gael also needs my attention more now. I still don't know how I can do that and do more work at the same time. Right now, Arn and I agreed, also because of financial considerations (our savings at AFPSLAI is getting depleted fast), that we will first try to do behavior modification at home. The doctor did say, that, at this age, there's still a chance that Gael is not really ADHD but just spoiled (because of parents who tend to give in to him from guilt of being away and busy all the time.) Arn and I agreed, that after a month and Kuya doesn't improve, we send him to therapy.

I have spent most of Wednesday night researching on ADHD and imagining the worst scenarios and crying for our baby. No parent ever wished for the stigma, the ridicule, the isolation that this "special" condition would bring to our child. I even joked to Arnie, on Gael's first day of school, "panu ba yan, natunaw na lahat ng pangarap ko umakyat ng stage." I always dreamed to be a suki on stage for my sons just as I always made my parents go up on stage to pin awards on me or don me medals from Kinder to College graduation.

Ngayon, it really doesn't matter to me if he gets to get an award on stage or what. all that matters to me now is to let him understand his homework every night. To make him sit still and pay attention to at least an hour every night while we study. To make him behave and pay attention to the teacher for two hours every day at school. What matters to me is that his classmates befriend him and not ostracize Gael for being the noisy and naughty one in class. What matters to me is not to receive the judging looks from the other parents every time I'd pick up Gael from school and hear the same, 'Ang kulit-kulit po ni Gael. Di na naman nakinig sa lesson," from his teacher. What matters to me is to figure out my schedule, if I need to work more to have extra budget for Gael's therapy, and yet need to spend more time with Gael, how do I give also equal quality time to my other young boy when I'm the only parent around most of the time?

Frankly, this is the first time in my life that I am completely clueless on what to do. And I am praying so hard that the good Lord help us get past through this newest, most difficult challenge, in our life as a family, so far.